Saturday, September 18, 2010

i like my lips.. i like my bread.  "NOT SOGGY." [[Thanks Gitis, for the way you put that, it was the hardest laugh all day.]]  When you talk to your bff that lives in Nashville (aka. too far away) funny discussions are bound to come up.  And in this case, it was lips.  I am very particular with what I like, thats all I'm going to say.  And when you find something you like (and if that doesn't happen very often) you have to try and hope you can hang onto it.  Thats assuming there is something to hang onto.

Its been another fab day in San Fran!  I got new tires, my spare is back where it belongs, I found a promising potential job, did a little networking, met some fun people, found a fab little jewelry shop and best of all, I think I have decided on what area I would love most to live in!! Not only that, but this city is so inspiring and I totally NEED to live here.

Some people need caffeine to wire them up, other people need drugs.  All I need is ridiculous amounts of inspiration.. art.. passion.  Right now there is so much build up inside, my hands are jittery.  I'm feeling that sudden urge to jump up and down and scream.  However, I am attempting to repress these desires until tomorrow.  I need a studio, BADDDD.  I want to draw and paint so desperately.  What sucks is that I have my old huge sketch pad in the back of my car, but all of my pencils, pens, brushes and paints are back in Chicago.  I'm about to go to Blick and just re-buy it all.  Only, I'm sure I can't afford to do that.  Ugh.

I think I'm going to have to admit that driving back to Chicago with all of my belongings was not the best move.  But how was I to know.  Well, okay thats a lie, I should have known.  I never liked the state of Illinois.  I could go on serious hate rant.  Like, for example: the people have no sense of style, there is no individuality, so much of everything is commercial and/or part of a corporation/franchise, people think you're crazy if you eat healthy, everything is way too spread out, all of the houses look the same (&ugly), most of the guys are d.bags, very few people have any real drive or motivation to do something great with their lives, etc etc.  I am not a fan.  [San Francisco on the other hand, polar opposite.]

The thing was, I needed to get out of Los Angeles. I had lived there for five years, I was too comfortable.  I still love it but I needed to shake things up.  I wanted a city with a little more soul, and not as spread out.  I want to not have to use a car.  Then I thought, oh I'll go back to Chicago, be the better daughter, sister, grand-daughter, whatever...and be close to my family.  Okay, and mostly I wanted to be in a close proximity to my three closest friends that I love and miss so terribly.  I felt bad not being able to be there for my little (and twice the size of me) brother, and my mom.  Then no one can make me feel worse for being so far then my grandparents..  So I caved, even though the thought made me sick to my stomach.

And it was lame.  I tried it for just over a month, and I spent most of that time imaging that I was somewhere else.  I tried to work my ass of making jewelry, editing, and other misc tasks, but I was so bored in my environment that it was often forced.  It was fun to hang out with my friends, I did enjoy our dance parties, midnight drunken bike ride escapades, but I imagine that can only be exciting so many times.  And I know we have just as much fun (if not more..) skinny dipping in Hollywood.

So in conclusion, and I hope this doesn't sound mean, but I'd rather be selfish than hate my life.  I was as empty and irritated there as I am excited and inspired here.

I don't regret driving back though, I had a great road trip with my brother!  It makes me so happy that we're able to talk about almost anything (with zero awkwardness), have fun, be silly, and rock out to music. For as much as we get along, we sure do know how to piss each other off though.  But the time spent was well worth it, and I think it made up for some of the lost time.

And look, this city is already motivating me enough to blog each day...
suki suki..

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