heartbreak.

Just the other day I got into a long conversation about love, heartbreak and relationships.  When asked if I had ever had my heart broken I responded with a simple no.  After hearing a song on the radio tonight, one of those that brings back a flood of old memories, I started to think about it again.  I guess when I think about heartbreak, I think of all those sassy romantic movies where there is this huge breakup scene and one of the individuals ends up 'heartbroken.'  And the only time I have been deliberately broken up with was in the 8th grade.  It was my first boyfriend and he broke up with me in a note.  I remember crying on the bus ride home.  Ever since then, relationships have ended in either one of two ways.  They either fizzled out on their own, in a mutual sense or I played stomper on the heart (not to sound like the bad guy).  So technically speaking I figure I haven't been heartbroken.  But then I realized how untrue that kind of is.  Although I've never had the rug pulled from underneath me or my bubble popped on immediate impact, my heart has broken all the same.  Of course I think my heartbreak has always been contrived.  Mostly from myself imaging someone to be different then they were. Then realizing the person I had hoped was there is nothing more than a mirage.  Not to sound as if I was ever deceived, its just that I tend to fill in the blanks with my ideals, and then when things wind up being different, I am obviously disappointed.  Sometime I've seen a lot of potential in a person, and then I learn later on down the road that potential is just likely to never surface.  That for me is always hard to accept because I tend to dream in a more positive light.  If that makes any sense.  Its hard to be vague and still get the point across.  The point is that even when I was the one ending the relationship, it doesn't mean that I wasn't heart broke.  I just realized first that, that person wasn't the ideal person for me and vise versa.  Sometimes it harder to let go of an idea of a person vs the actual person.  Or maybe I'm crazy.  Regardless, hearts mend and we all go on living and breathing.  You have to live your life the way you see fit and to the means in which you are happiest.  If you happen to find someone that sparks you in all the right areas, someone you respect, and enjoy being with to the fifth power, AND both of your lives happen to align and flow in the same direction, then you have to run with it because that's one in a million.  And if you just had your heart broken, than it just wasn't meant to be, and thats okay.  Chances are you weren't as happy as you thought you were.  A piece of advice: don't mistake comfort for happiness.  And besides, when your single, the world is your oyster.